# 207 Fernao Pires

17 Mar

The Ribatejo DOC, southwestyish Portugal, is not too far from Lisbon. It’s an extremely important wine region there, and Fernao Pires is Portugal’s #1 white grape. Jancis says it produces “simple, honeyed, and sometimes slightly spicy dry white wine.” Not really.

There are two ways I could describe this wine: 1) You pet a sleeping dog that starts humping your leg aggressively. 2) You’re at a bar, looking for a little action. You acquaint yourself with a young lass, retire to one’s quarters, and she turns out to be a way freaky lady-boy. (I dated a guy who had “sleep with tranny hooker” on his bucket list. Crossed off. That was the least of his issues. But I digress.)

Basically, this wine was watery and blah until it hit the back of the throat, and then it took a bad turn into Oxidation Junction. This thing got shrill. The label says it’s such a great match for fruit and cheese. The only way I could drink this stuff was with a hunk of smoked cheddar. Then it tasted okay, but I think it was the smoke that was dulling my taste buds into thinking all was well once again in Mouthland.

Quinta do Alqueve 2008, $12.

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